According to Psychology Today, adults make an average of 35,000 decisions a day! Everything from what to eat and what to read to whether to look at a house or apply for a job, whether to say yes, no or maybe. Regardless of our speed and clarity, we are decision makers. We have patterns when it comes to decisions. Those patterns get really interesting when it comes to making big decisions like taking job or quitting a job or moving or buying a house.
As a coach, I’ve thought a lot about what it takes to MAKE GOOD DECISIONS THAT WE CAN HAPPILY LIVE WITH FOR THE LONG-TERM!
WHAT MATTERS MOST IS KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT AND WRITING IT DOWN.
SAYING IT OUT LOUD.
LIVING WITH YOUR LIST. REVISITING AND REVISING IT.
GETTING A REALITY CHECK ABOUT YOUR WANTS, NEEDS, and DREAMS.
TAKING A LONG-TERM VIEW.
Most of us don’t get our WANTS in A FLASH. That’s not realistic!
HAVE A WANT/NEED/WISH LIST!
Make sure you have a list of your wants, needs and dreams. This is the foundation of decision-making and often it’s the hardest part. Many of us don’t KNOW what we want, we don’t let ourselves have wants or dreams. Personally, I am afraid to really say what I want. It feels selfish and vulnerable. Others quickly put the kibosh on wants jumping right to “this isn’t possible, this can’t happen, they won’t hire me, etc.”
There are different strategies for getting to your wants. Some of us have an easier time with our no’s so they’re the best place to start. The no’s can make space for the yes’s and maybe’s. Some of us have to know ALL the possibilities and then whittle away at what they truly want.
Many people have to write down a lot of “creature comfort” details,things like flexible hours, working from home, easy commute, or number of vacation days. They don’t start with what they will be doing (the job itself!) or with the mission of the company (what their work is in service of) or who they will work with. They need to know what their routines will be like, that they have time for their families, for work-life balance.
Most of us need to get educated about the landscape. If you’ve looked at a house listing then you know there are more things to think about then you likely even know. Same with a job. In both cases, it helps to have criteria and questions to start the process (ask me for my job criteria questions at lparadise.coach@gmail.com). Good questions and templates can help you create a great want list.
REMEMBER THAT CREATING YOUR LIST IS A CREATIVE ACT! It’s a combination of imagination, heart, hopes, vision, ideas and reality checks.
KEEP REVISITING, and REVISING THE LIST, WHILE YOU ARE LOOKING.
Every time you look at listings and interview and talk to people, you are getting a reality check on how well your wants match what is out there. You will also get more clarity abouthow to articulate what you want. I never heard of mid-century modern before I started looking for a house. You may not have thought of the difference between an institutional non-profit and a grassroots organization, or a learning environment or a culture that supports professional development. (You do have to learn the language/career vocabulary, so you can articulate what you want to other people.)
ARTICULATE WHAT YOU WANT TO OTHER PEOPLE, INCLUDING PEOPLE IN THE KNOW. Obviously I had to talk to realtors AND people who had bought homes. I needed both the reality check of the buyer and the perspective of the brokers. You benefit from talking to recruiters or hiring managers who can tell you if you’re a good fit for the positions that interest you, who can also guide you in how to be competitive. You also benefit from talking to people who’ve done the work you think you want to do. Find out what it’s REALLY LIKE?
Beware of technology! Many of us are in the habit of reacting. You apply for jobs that are posted. You go to the internet, maybe you use Linkedin for connections and submitting applications. You probably get lots of impersonal responses, if any at all. We got our house pre-market. I know we were lucky. I also know that the best most likely way to get hired is person to person, not on the internet. If I spent all my time looking at listings rather than going to open houses and continuing to seek out referrals, I would not have found my house. My caution against technology is twofold: it can dampen your commitment to your want list, and it can conspire to keep you from going out and learning more about what’s realistic and what’s possible so that you can MAKE YOUR BIG DECISION.
Keep working on your list, and keep getting out there to find options.
Here’s my caveat: Making a big decision looks all too simple when you look at the steps. You have to remember that BIG DECISIONS TAKE TIME AND INVESTMENT. Seriously! We all have a fantasy of walking into the first job interview, making a great connection and landing a job. That’s b.s. You are going to live in that job and with those co-workers and that boss for a long time. You need to have a good idea going in that they’re your people and it’s your place. You have to put in the front-end time to vet them. And you have to put in the time to present yourself strongly and effectively, to show you are a match. It’s not a fly by night seat of the pants thing. Frankly, the bigger the job, the more time you will spend looking, preparing and interviewing.
I probably looked at hundreds of houses and spent hundreds (thousands?) of hours looking at houses. I was constantly sorting and resorting my priorities, trying to pay attention to what was comfortable, always constrained by what was on-budget. I knew that I’d have to make compromises and, since I’m married, I knew that I would have to make some compromises for the good of the relationship.
Know that you will have to compromise. Know where you’re willing to give.
Most important, go out and look. Apply. Apply again. Keep looking at your list. Have someone on your side to keep you honest and remind you of what’s important to YOU!
Keep remembering that it is YOUR DECISION, YOUR LIFE AFFIRMING, LIFE CHANGING DECISION. Give it time, attention and intention. And, keep at it!
Happy decision making!