Transitions are like being in a birth canal. Even when we are ready to move ahead, we have to work at it.
We are squeezing through trying to push out our goodness and our essence, trying to stay intact, while at the same time hoping to leave something behind or shed old skin, masks and identities that no longer serve us.
A transition is fertile ground for learning about ourselves, and that’s a reason why it’s helpful to have the support of a midwife or a friend or a coach. It’s a time to notice where we feel stretched, where we feel pain, what we fear and what we cling to. It’s a time when we have the chance to look squarely at our values and our identity and to make sure that our criteria for decision-making and actions line up with who we are and what we care about in the present moment. It’s critical that we question whether we’re carrying old beliefs and outdated behaviors. It’s useful to get clear about what decisions come out of fear and doubt and which align with our dreams, our passions and our instincts.
In my coaching practice, I have witnessed the aching frustration of clients who are taking steps toward birthing a new business or naming their deep truths. I notice their confusion: how can it feel uncomfortable and exciting to be moving ahead? I also notice how the ego can serve as a spoiler, intimating failure, saying they’re not worthy or capable, holding them back or pushing them forward and igniting their fears.
Think about “growing pains” when you think about being in transition. As an adolescent you may have been aching to mature and develop. At the same time, it was confounding and confusing. Your new body wasn’t fully integrated. Your hormones had the better of you and your mind was a bit addled. You actually felt pain in places where new buds were blooming. You may have been excited or scared and there was plenty you didn’t know. And there was no turning back!
Some of us enter the birth canal intentionally, others are thrust inside, and others wake up to find themselves in transition. The interesting thing is that nearly all of us experience growing pains and stress as we transition. We feel uncomfortable. We notice chafing. We get emotional. And much of what we experience is contradictory: we are excited and terrified by new possibilities, we dearly want to shed old patterns and we cling to them, we look forward to meeting new people and worry that we’ll lose old friends, we imagine greater success and envision devastating failure. The list goes on.
Sometimes we want to stop moving through the birth canal. Or, we want someone to put an end to our pain and just take us out! We might resort to distractions and addictions to numb the pain.
We don’t want to be “in transition”, we want to be on the other side.
Don’t be afraid to live in the heat of transition. Remember that it takes work to get free of what constricts us. Have faith and trust that you will not only emerge intact, but that you will also be fortified and equipped with new wisdom, even if you are a bit bruised and tired!