Yes, “be a big dog” makes the top ten list!
Is it time for a shift or re-set? As a coach, I look for are patterns and ways to help my clients make a shift and move forward. You know what I mean about patterns- patterns of behavior, patterns of mind, patterns in job choices, the ways jobs end and so on.
As I reflect on patterns, I also notice patterns in the suggestions and prompts I’m giving to clients.
Here are my top ten greatest hits that (some) clients are hearing from me. You may notice some patterns in the topics. What do you make of them? And, note to self: which of these speak to you? If so, try them out.
Be presumptuous. Whether it’s an interview, networking event or writing a cover letter, put on an attitude that says “the job is mine for the taking.” No, this isn’t license to be arrogant. It’s a strong nudge to remind you that your tone, posture and words convey a message internally and externally. That message should be strong and positive and sure-footed. Presume that they do want to talk to you and that they’ll be interested in learning more and perhaps in hiring you.
Take back your power. Every interview is a chance for you to be discerning and deliberate. Notice who’s interviewing you and what they’re asking. Ask them a few key questions that will help you decide if the job and the work culture is a fit for you. Show them respect and expect the same in return. Make it a two-way street. If they don’t hold up to scrutiny, move on.
Be a big dog. You know the stats about the importance of body language and tone of voice in communication (our words account for just 7% of what people hear!). Some of us are big dogs who make our presence felt, let our words land and move into new situations with ease and confidence; and some of us are little dogs who talk too much, distract (and annoy?) with lots of movement or shy away, avoid eye contact and so on. There are times – like a career search – when we benefit from a dose of big dog energy and posture. Just a homeopathic dose will do in helping garner the attention we deserve.
Relate. People hire people they can talk to. A very smart client of mine (PhD, in fact) surmised that she was not getting job offers because she was too stiff. (What she actually said was that she suffers from the same problem as Hillary Clinton. I think we all know what she means.). Her personality, warmth and humor disappeared during an interview. What to do? My suggestion is to get in touch with why you are interested in the work, why it matters to you, how it connects to your values and whether there’s a personal story or struggle that the work speaks to. Often there are things we care about deeply. Get in touch with what speaks to you and keep that in your heart when you’re interviewing. And remember you’re talking to a person not a screen for keywords.
Warm up. Have you ever buried the lead when you’re telling a story? Do you find it difficult or even impossible to brag about yourself- or worse, do you start by saying what you can’t do instead of what you can do? Do you go mute at the prospect of interviewing or networking? Lots of us need to warm up before we get in front of people or get to work on cover letters and resumes. It makes sense to warm up with a quick brainstorm of all the things you can do, what you like about work, what you care about and also a dump of what you can’t won’t and will never do again. Get it out best to do out loud and use a timer; and then get to the real deal. Interviews are not dress rehearsals.
Don’t be slimed. The importance of the f— it pose. Have you had crappy work experiences? A bad boss? Been fired? Been rejected? Do you have an internal critic or committee that puts you down and doubts that you’ll ever get hired? Those experiences and those voices can wreak havoc with your nervous system and your sense of self. It’s time to let them go so you can do your good work in the world. Here’s a simple somatic practice you can do: pretend you’re sitting in a chair, draw your arms in toward you on an inhale. Then, on a slow exhale push your arms away from you with resistance as you push your feet into the ground and straighten your legs. Think “don’t slime me” as you push the stuff away.
Find a soft landing place. If you’re in transition, there’s a good chance your just right job is a few jobs away. And if you left your last job under less than ideal circumstances, then I’d say you may have some healing to do. Rather than task yourself with finding the biggest best job, find yourself a soft landing place where you can do good, rebuild your self-esteem and get the rest and support you need to remember that you are indeed a valued member of the professional world. Don’t underestimate the merit of a good work environment in making space for you to get your footing and launch a strong job search.
Use LinkedIn (for research)! This one almost embarrasses me, but here goes. Since so many people are on LinkedIn, it’s a goldmine for learning about jobs, people’s backgrounds, clever ways to describe what you do, the reality of what a job description says and what the person in the job says they do, and of course the possible connections you might have to reach someone. We do live in a who-knows-who world, and personal introductions make a huge difference. If you haven’t done so, be sure to link with me. I got lots of connections and I am happy to make introductions for people in my community.
Get one thing done a day. Stop feeling frustrated by your endless to-do list. Choose to get one thing done each day and get ‘er done. I try to choose one important thing to get done every day and then I’m honest with myself and make time to do it. I know it can be hard to write cover letters or reach out to someone in your network or write a blog post. Schedule a time to do it, set a timer so you limit the time and get to it. And then pat yourself on the back.
Get in the daylight. You need a break, you need to breathe and sigh and feel the sun on your face. To be- that is the answer. To be and not to-do all the time. Whether it’s Vitamin D, a tan (okay, wear sunscreen), seeing the brilliant sky or getting warm in the cold Bay Area summer, get outside. And, get outside in terms of perspective about your work and your skills. Schedule a date with a former co-worker or boss, or a colleague or friend and ask them to tell you where you shine in the work world. You need to soak in their good words.