Summer for me has always meant reading “best of” lists. I want to offer mine during this time of pandemic, during this time when we are more disconnected, more device-d, and more often distanced from each other.
Walking my dog this morning, what first came to mind is:
Cut out the Crap. I am sure you have crap that gets in your way. Imagine you have a sword (you could use a broom). What would you like to physically and sharply cut away? What thoughts or beliefs, inner critic or judgmental authority, keeps showing up when you want to take action or try something new? Take the clearing into your body, using your broom to cut and slice, and move the crap aside. Try it before you start on a to-do list or task.
Have compassion. I don’t like the phrase, the new normal. Norms are a fast moving target. In fact, many of us are pretty moody and judgmental, of ourselves and others. That’s why I am putting Compassion on the list. Can we all remember to have compassion for ourselves and for others? I start nearly every workshop putting a hand on my heart and one on my belly. Let’s all remember to be kind to ourselves as a starting place. Making simple contact makes a huge difference in times of distress. Maybe we can make compassion the norm!
Ask someone for advice. There are things that you are not good at, right? For me, that’s pretty much anything that has to do with money and asking for a fee. I don’t ask for enough. But I have colleagues who are good at asking and negotiating. So I ask the help when I am talking about money with a potential client. Look at your community and connect with someone who’s got a skill you don’t. Ask for help. Ask for advice with something you’re struggling with.
Know your Comfort Zone. Notice what you like doing and where you have ease. When you’re feeling stuck, do something that you can do from a place of calm. Do your easy best. That may be all you can do and that’s good enough.
When you have energy, pick one thing to do that is out of your comfort zone. Know that it’s a stretch and experience it as such. You are reaching and opening to something that’s hard. Appreciate yourself for the stretch – and do it anyway.
For lots of people, stretching is talking about yourself. networking, interviews, bragging.
So, I offer a few practices and suggestions for the stretch around communication:
Know your value. In your body. The intention of this practice is to relate to a sense of self-worth. Put your hands on your soft belly and ask, from this place, what do I know how to do? Put your hands on your heart and ask, what do I care about? how do I touch people? Put your hands on your head and ask, what is one piece of wisdom that I can share? Then, remember anything you give to someone else is an act of generosity. Communicate from that place when you connect with someone else, even if it’s when you send a resume or go on an interview or go to a networking event. You are giving of yourself, body, heart and mind.
Connect on an experiential level. Because we are speaking through and to devices and often not in contact with others, many of us have to develop new communication skills. Speaking and sharing what we experience – in our hearts, with our bodies and in our thoughts – will help. Pay attention to your body sensations when you talk to someone else. See if you can be soft and receptive, letting what you experience guide you as you respond to what you hear and sense from someone else. Then, notice the impact of experiential communication on both of you.
Make a call! Now is the time to use the phone and talk to people. It is so much more relaxing than looking at a screen. I find that I settle down and pay attention on the phone. You want attention, right? You want connection? You need connection to get information and referrals and job opportunities? Write your talking points, get ready to introduce yourself and make a phone call.