I want to write about a topic that makes a lot of people squirm. Self-esteem.
Lots of people don’t really believe they’re that good. Maybe they feel like an imposter. Maybe they’re under the vice grip of an inner-perfectionist who has set an impossible standard. Maybe they feel it’s wrong to brag or boast. They’ve been taught not to draw attention to themselves because it’s selfish or shallow or just plain rude.
Many of us have muscles that conspire to strangle our self-esteem.
We get the chance to talk about ourselves and we cannot speak! We mumble, stutter, look the other way, forget we ever had a good idea or an accomplishment, feel like we want to disappear into a corner.
In my experience, self-esteem has to be gently lured out into the open, much like enticing a cat to play with a toy. We need to be wily about how to invite the cat out; and we have to be persistent and kind and clever to keep the cat from running back under the chair.
When the cat finally gets out and lets you see her, she wants to be attended to. She wants to be preened. Maybe even adored. One false start, a sense that it isn’t safe, and the cat runs back under a chair or into the corner.
Your self-esteem is probably like that cat. She doesn’t trust that it’s safe to be out in the open. She doesn’t believe people will be kind, approving or appreciative.
Your fragile self-esteem might be afraid of attention. Or just not used to it.
So it’s easier and safer to keep it quiet.
The truth is that self-esteem needs to be attended to, it needs to be worked and strengthened, like a muscle. When you exercise it, it gets easier and less painful to feel it, and to feel good about yourself.If you let it atrophy, it’s hard to call up the strength to know you are good, and to communicate to others that you are worthy.
Your self-esteem muscle also needs kindness. It needs to be cultivated, nurtured and cared for. It needs to be held with the same gentle, adoringattention that we give that dear, tentative cat. We don’t want it to go back to its “safe” hiding place. We want it to know that it will be well received when it’s out in the open.
There’s are costs to you of hiding your self-esteem. Everything from simply not enjoying your goodness to not being recognized by others for your strengths, not getting hired or promoted or appreciated. Not being seen. Feeling invisible. Maybe even not making important contributions to your profession or your community or your workplace. Maybe missing the chance to strengthen your impact in the world.
Is it time to cajole your self-esteem and start working that muscle?
Is it time for your self-esteem to come out of hiding?