What to write and what to do when many of us are frightened, working from home, not sure if we are working or will have work…
I am writing with my thoughts about being with the unknown but NOT abandoning yourself.This is one aspect of the journey that all of us are on. Being here now, knowing our value, keeping the inner critics and worries at bay, and finding the capacity to connect to others. In my career coaching life, I have recommended this practice:
- connect with yourself (feeling your body, knowing what you offer)
- land
- breathe
- connect with the other (whether in an interview or in a letter, know that your aim is to connect with another human being
I want to help you stay present and stay connected to your value. Yes, there may be a little career development language. Yes, you may find that you experience more fullness in who you are and what you offer and more aliveness, too!
YOU MATTER. WE MATTER. This will be a time to come back to ourselves and connect to others. As simply and beautifully as that!
Being ordered to shelter in place goes against the human tendency to connect and be in the flow of life among others. Even an introvert or recluse wants the choice to go outside and make contact, to see others.
We have stepped across the threshold into the time of I DON’T KNOW. I don’t know if I am sick, I don’t know if I could potentially infect someone, I don’t know if I will get sick or if I will die. I don’t know how long I will be stuck in my home. I don’t know when I will be lonely or scared. I know that it’s likely I will feel alone and out of touch, sometimes. I don’t know when I will burst into tears and grieve for all the uncertainty and sorrow and loss that I am experiencing knowing that I cannot live as I choose. I don’t know what will happen to my livelihood. I don’t know what will help me feel safe, yet.
Ann Bradney, a talented therapist and founder of the Radical Aliveness Institute, offers the wise principle: Know that you don’t Know.In fact, none of us know… how long we will live, when or if we will marry, or whether there will be a pothole that gives us a flat tire on the way to work. Ann says it is hard and valuable to live in the know you don’t knowmindset. When we can accept that we don’t know, it can actually be liberating. By practicing knowing that you don’t know, you may eventually stop believing that you have so much power and influence! Think about that … for a good long while. You didn’t know yesterday. Today you don’t know either, except that today some of us know that we are not aimlessly doing most anything we please. We know that we can’t. We have an ever growing, quite scary, list of things we know we don’t know.
We are learning new layers of how to live with not knowing.
What I know is that many of us are making the choice to do as little harm as possible. We stay home because we do not want to infect anyone. We stay home because we want to leave space and time for contagions to die. We stay home so that we do not stress an already beleaguered health care system, and the very real hardworking people who are trying to keep others alive. We stay home because it is the closest choice to living safely and surviving that we know. And yet, we do not know how long, how many, how sick, how careful, how hard the hit, how big the heartache, how we will live in the weeks and months and years to come.
I am a life coach. Much of my job is about the future. Hope and possibility are my watchwords. There are two other important words in my profession: reality and pragmatism. For all the hope that fuels someone and all the openness to possibility, it’s important to have a reality check. It’s sensible to be pragmatic. These qualities help us take action and reach our goals.
Say you want to be a writer or a marketing consultant. Find out how many people “succeed” in these professions, the average salary, the average years of study, where the jobs are, etc. Reality check! Pragmatics. Pragmatics means that you find out what you need to do to get from where you are now to where you want to be. Those questions about training, hiring practices, how to interview well and so on. Be honest with yourself: are you going to put the time and work into getting there? Do you have the money to study? Do you have the time to train or do the entry level job that goes before the job you really want? Are you willing to reach out, do networking, informational interviews and so on?
Hope.
Possibility.
Reality.
Pragmatism.
I have several questions for you RIGHT NOW.
Right now, do you have hope? Hope implies that there are things you look forward to. Maybe it comes down to a good cup of coffee (that’s me!) or a conversation with a friend. Maybe it’s hard to have hope when so many messages and news stories tend toward catastrophe.
Not being hopeful right now seems pretty reasonable. And realistic.
If there is little hope, what happens to a sense of possibility? Hope and possibility often go hand in hand. With less hope, we see fewer possibilities. We are not so expansive. However, I think we can still experience glimmers of possibility. I am sitting here writing and know that my mind is still functional. I can learn things. I think that if I keep paying attention and connecting to others, whether through phone, email, books or video, thoughts of the possible feel within reach. And, when they come, I want to notice them and hold them gently like a soap bubble. Hello, possibility, what might come of getting a glimpse of you?
Little possibilities can become insights, ideas, actions, projects, visions and more. When you notice one, pay attention and stay with it.
Reality. Perhaps, right now, reality is the biggest I DON’T KNOW. You may know that you have to shelter in place and avoid social contact, you know that you should wash your hands. But, from the economy and businesses, to nonprofits and higher education, none of us know how work will be done in the long term or where the reliable demand for jobs will exist. There are surely many smart people predicting our Brave New World of business. For a little person like me, it’s hard to imagine the new order of business.
The reality is that we will find ways to work and survive. For some, work will change. Which may require us to change and adapt and learn and experiment.
Change, adaptation, learning, experimenting… hard realities for many of us!
Pragmatism. On this, the beginning of shelter in place in northern California, pragmatism is my stake in the ground! Ibelieve there is value in asking the question, what is the pragmatic thing to do? On a basic survival level, there is taking care of yourself by eating well and exercising and sleeping and by not overdosing on media.
Equally as important is staying connected to the fullness of who you are as a contributor to society and to strengthening your personal/professional development muscles. Every one of us is a contributor. Yes.
How about being deliberate contributors instead of accidental contributors?While we are home, we can contribute intentionally by social distancing and reducing the spread of contagions. Check, got it! We can also take stock of who we are and what we LOVE doing. For any of you on a career search or if you’re curious about your gifts, join my zoom call Mondays at 10 am or write me at lparadise coach@gmail.com. I will give you activities to help you connect to your self-worth and be ready to take aim for your next opportunity.
We don’t have to languish and rot.
We can exercise our brains and our bodies.
Just for this moment, my question to you is: what would you like to learn? What skill would you like to learn or hone? If you can find a glimmer of space, consider what you like doing and what you might like to learn. Let me suggest that most of us benefit from learning that we are good, that we are worthy, that we can have ease, that we have gifts. These are fundamentals.
Right now, you may well have TIME. I’m pretty sure that you do. I am starting with learning how to do a podcast (!). I’ll be honest. That really scares me. Technology scares me. But I can do this virtually and I am going to give it a try.
Tell me what you want to learn. I’m interested!
And join me on zoom Monday at 10 am. We can all be vulnerable and grow together.
Join Zoom Meeting https://zoom.us/j/7972622283
Take care and be well, Laura